Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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