If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
