Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
