omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
