As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
