I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
