did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Michael Bay diarrhea
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
