What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
