I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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