My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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