How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
