First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
