All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
