I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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