so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
