Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
