So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
