We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I deserve this hangover.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
