I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
