You're so nebulous sometimes
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
