and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
