Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
