saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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