It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
