it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
