I wish they made helmets for livers.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Randomize
