Church boner. Awkwardddd
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
