guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
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