Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
