my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
