Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
