i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
