She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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