she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
