My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
