Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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