just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
