i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
