Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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