The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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