But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
