I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
