How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
