she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
