Cold hands, warm shart.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
