I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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