Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
