im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
