is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
