suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
