Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
