Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
