I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
